Unappreciated

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a work-a-holic. I will stay extra hours to complete a project or meet a deadline.

I was very angry with my boss because he came to me yesterday inquiring why I was not done with a particular project. I proceeded to tell him the steps of my project and he looked as me as if it was the first I have ever work on a project like this. He was also wondering why the help he got me was not working fast. That has nothing to do with me. I can only account for how I work. Moreover, I have almost years of experience and can do the job blindfold. The situation is that it is a large bulk of work. The only way of doing it is trudging through it until it gets done.

Now if this was the only thing I had to do I may accept his concern. However, I have so many other things to do as well as follow up, date entry and a pile of reports I need to complete that he has piled on my desk.

I actually cried when he placed more work on my desk. He laughed thinking I was joking. I was not at all joking. I stated right then and there as well as emailed him that I am extremely overwhelmed with the amount of work I had to do and with the load I had to catch up. It is as if I am always in catching up mode.

Well as I was explaining to him (in my seeing the glass half-full attitude), that I was happy that we had less than a 1/4 left of work to finish for the project, he looked at me in awe. He wanted to know what was taking so long. I said all that I already mentioned and added that my work can only go as fast as my hands type and that is pretty fast. I had to look away and started to cry. I literally cried from 5pm until 10pm that I walk out of that office.

Yes! I stayed anyway. I do not run away from hard work and I do what it takes to get it done. Yet, they do not see what I do. I have so much work it is ridiculous. I have so much work that you can create a new position to tackle a third of the work that I do and this person will be busy all day.

I also take trips to the post office to ensure that my postage and packaging is done correctly. That way I will not run into the issue of getting a returned package. I thought taking that extra step to get the job done was honored. Instead, I get disappointed looks. It really makes me feel unappreciated.

I love my job. I would not change it unless GOD sends me into a different direction. In the meantime, I stay put. The funny this is that everyone has suggestion on how I can do my job better or faster but no one is willing to stay and do the grunt work with me. Well, almost no one. One of my co-workers from a completely and unrelated department, stayed with me one evening until 8pm copying over 500 pieces of documents. You know what that means. Filing all of those 500 pieces of documentation.

I have had a helper as I mentioned assigned to me by my superior. She is a great help but she works so slow. I have to help her to speedy up the portion she is assigned to do. By herself, she only stuffed less than 50 envelops. When I helped her, we did over 300. On my own, I do about 100 to 150. This defeats the whole purpose of getting a helper to relieve me to do the other multiple projects I need to get done.

I have a great boss. He does listen to me. However, he sometimes does not get it. He really does not get it. I do not know how much harder I can work. I am just one person. For the record, he was not nasty at all. He is always very respectful and careful with his words. He is as I am; frustrated because we really want and more so need to have things done yesterday. I know that he shares, to a certain extent my frustration. There are things, however, that can only do in the office. Therefore, I have to pull away from whatever is "priority" to handle it. In most cases it a phone call with an inquiry that is very important to handle. One phone call can take about 15 minutes to solve. This is not including the follow up calls. So multiply that to a minimum of 5 calls. It is usually more. This would be a minimum of 25 minutes. Let us add to the list of things I am responsible. On the other hand, let us not.

The whole gist of this bog is that I do not mind at all being overworked and underpaid. I enjoy my work. I do not like being misunderstood or worse, unappreciated.

Full circle... full circle, revisited

I was commenting to a friend a few weeks ago that about each decade and/or landmark birthday I become much more reflective on my journey in life. I also contemplate on this road trip when impacting things, awesome or adverse, affect my course. It is a moment where you need to stop and re-read your directions, look at the map again, stop at a gasoline station to for help or reprogram your GPS to reroute the trip. Yes, there are always stops and bumps, twists and turns and bridges to cross.

The "Full circle... full circle" blog was originally written in January of 2005. I reposted it in December of 2008. Here we are right dab smack in the middle of January 2011 and I am found with it again:

Now if you look back and you find yourself in the same place... do something about it. (However, what if you are tired of doing something about it. Why doesn't anyone else do something? I read my friend Debb's blog and read her reflection on Jesus’ anguish at the Garden of Gethsemane. His closest to His heart were not present for Him when He needed them most. He literally had to face death on His own. Job stated that he came to this world with nothing and he will leave this world with nothing. The Lord knows how we feel). No need or time or place to feel sorry for yourself EVER... Look back and (be) able to say "YES! I made it and look how high I have climbed" then great. "Full circle... full circle…”

Funny how life comes to a full circle... how at a point in time you (were) so hurt by the most unexpected... People who called themselves friend do to you horrible and uncompassionate things. (Sometimes not so horrible but questionable. Makes you distrust simple "good" intentions). You think you are never going to heal let alone get up from the beat down they gave you (or secrets they kept). We have to be honest. There are moments that hurt so bad that you really think you are never going to (get over it). You feel like that kick in your gut will remain forever. Nevertheless, the saying holds true. Time does heal all wounds. Isn't that amazing?

What if I climbed and tripped and I fall to the valley. What if I became scared and hid in the nook of a cliff? What if I cannot take another step because I have no more strength? What if I do not want to fight the good fight? What if I do not want to run the race?

Would it be so bad to travel half way round the circle? Then that would be a journey lost.

Frosty said, "I CAN SEE, I CAN SEE!!!"

I saw an E-Card back in 2005 and posted it then and again in 2007 on MySpace. It is one of my favorite E-Cards. This was the cutest thing. In the background it had a whimsical Christmas tune. The main character of this animated E-Card was Frosty the Snowman.

With much enthusiasm, he rushed to his stocking to see what Santa left in his stocking. He was immediately disappointed to feel two lumps of coal. And yep! He remarked in a complaining tone, "?!?! Two lumps of coal... TWO LUMPS OF COAL?!?!" Then Frosty got the bright idea to take the two lumps of coal and placed them on his face. He became excited and exclaimed, "I CAN SEE, I CAN SEE!"

Such is life. If you get something in life like lumps of coal in the guise of trials or certain circumstances you did NOT ask for, do what Frosty did in this fictional situation... take those things and use them to SEE what exactly is that GOD wants you to see. You'll be surprised as to the protection, love and blessings you will witness if you only press on beyond the surface and into to the deeper understanding of the events in your life.

Remember not only in Christmas but every moment in your life that, "For God so loved the world that he gave His only Begotten son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have, everlasting life". If that is not the best gift ever, I do not know what is? Jesus gave His life for you! His sole purpose was to leave His throne and be born to then live among us to fulfill His purpose of dying on the cross for us for our salvation. Question arises: Have you given your heart completely to Him? It is literally the only thing Jesus ever wanted for His "Birthday"- your heart.

FT. MYERS VACATION 2010 - AUG 2 to 5

This is my 3rd day posting a blog/note regarding my vacation. So I missed a few days of writing. I have been sleeping a lot, catching up with television. There is nothing good on TV. I did see an old black and what movie called Pinky. It was an interesting 1949 movie about bi-racial issues. It must have been a bit radical for 1949. I made a flan and my friends liked it. We had it with some delicious Spanish coffee. I received a call from my mommy who missed me. I actually enjoyed that. She was feeling a bit under the weather when I left and I felt bad leaving. She called me to tell me she was feeling much better. Do I still want to move down here and live here for the rest of my life? Absolutely! However, it is not part of His plans in my life (yet). Also my nephews and niece are in Jersey.

I spent the early afternoon on the beach. My feet have to touch the beach at least once a year. The water was very nice and warm. It was a perfect beach day; not too hot, not too humid. The sand was barefoot bearable. I had the best scallops and shrimp lunch at the beach. Abby is so awesome to take me where I want to go while I am here. I am really easy to please. A few hours at the beach are always fine with me. I feel refreshed.

We picked up Abby’s son, niece and nephews. We headed back to the house. We got all clean up and ready for dinner. Abby made one of my favorites… white rice with white beans and chuleta (pork chops, yo). I also got to try a brand new salad dressing; a sun dried tomato vinegarate… yummy. I had me two servings of salad.

I feel well rested.

In a little bit we are going to watch Valentine’s Day and we will see how long the night will last. All I know is that I do not want my vacation to end. Doing nothing and being a little lazy for a week or so is very unusual for an extremely busy and on the go person like me but I welcome it!

Close your eyes with me and feel me smile.

FT. MYERS VACATION 2010 - AUG 1

OK so it was Sunday and I did not go to church or have to do any chores what-so-ever so I slept in. Abby and her family went to church. I eventually woke up took a nice long shower and got dolled up for just relaxing and doing nothing. This is my favorite kind of vacation.

Anyway I started my vacation blog yesterday. I just knew if anyone was going to enjoy it as much as I was my friend Deb. She gets my writing. There are others who like it to but they keep comments to themselves. So I had a muffin for breakfast and Abby left me coffee and I caught up with email, fixed my luggage, my room and just got nicely settled in. Finally Abby came back from church. Jona her brother came over with his family as well. It was so nice to finally greet him with a hug. I think I am one of the last people to greet him like that for many years of waiting. It is along story but I am finally glad I am no longer waiting and am part of the list of those who have been able to greet him so. EVENTUALLY we have pizza and wings and bread sticks. Then we all went to see INDISPICABLE ME.

We hit the Ice Cream/Candy Parlor afterward. I had a scoop of butter-pecan with a scoop of pistachio nut. I also bought some penny candy by the pound. But it was not a pound.

It was a cute movie. Then we came back, chilled watching part of I-Robot.

I saw Abby’s mom before and after the movies. I was commenting to Abby that each time I come here if feels like I never left. It feels like I have always been here. She told me that she felt the same way too. I am glad that I have her place to just chill and have alone time.

Abby and I talked until we got sleepy revisiting past conversations and memories. So that was day two, Aug 1 of my Ft. Myers vacation.

FT. MYERS VACATION 2010 - JULY 31

OK so it is August 1 and I am finally in Ft. Myers arriving yesterday. I go every year since I met my friend (little sister born in my heart) Abby, except last year. I went to General Convention in Orlando. There is nothing special here at Ft. Myers except that she is I here and I love Florida. Before talking about some of the things that happened, I want to share my adventurous journey. I was rushing to the airport yesterday. I was on time, so was my sister-in-law Joyce and the nephews. However, I left my cell in my car and dad rode off in it. He had to rush back and give it to me. The boys gave me each something to hold and remember them by during my trip. I need to give it back to them when I come back home. Israel (Bitty) gave me his Pablo from the Back Yardigans toy. Luis (Bubi) gave me his baseball.

We raced to the airport only to find out that my 4pm flight was cancelled to 6pm. All connections were changed as well. Oh well, I have dinner at an airport restaurant. Yeah, 16 bucks for a burger and fries. It was, however, an amazing burger. Like Dora’s backpack would say, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum… delicioso. Do not let anyone in Arizona know I expressed myself in this way. I may get kicked back to my native land, NEW JERSEY.

The 6pm flight was delayed. What a surprise. As I am sitting I make sure I have my driver’s license and boarding pass I realize that it was in row 4. I stared and read the entire ticket and it was row four. It dawned on me that possibly I was bumped up to first class. Last time I was ever in first class was also a last minute bump up. I was a little girl coming back from trip to Puerto Rico with my dad. I felt fancy like a princess back then. I felt like a queen this time around. Every seat had a pillow, blanket and bottle water. The service is like a hotel/restaurant. Now before I continue there are some of you that are thinking, “So what I’ve been in first class before”. Well not me so let me share. Skip to the next paragraph for the rest of the story. They first give you a warm wet towel to wash your hand before eating. NICE! My beverages were in a real glass. I had the choice of a Greek pasta salad or a cob salad wrap. I went for the wrap and that came with a real napkin, fresh fruit salad, a blondie caramel brownie, chips and refills. It was a nice experience.

So we get to Atlanta and I have the nicest woman lead me to my connecting gate. I have a bum knee that sometimes acts up with the arthritis. Some days I am good. It had to hit me at the airport where one walks much to another gate. I got there pain and all. I noticed that in my connecting boarding pass, did not have a seat assigned. I just knew I was not going to be in first class this time. I get to the gate and was assigned the very last seat on the plane, row 38. I was laughing. So it is true, the first shall be last. The only complaint I had was my ears. Not even my tiny bit of arthritis on my knee. My ears always pop at the air pressure during decent. However, in both flights they hurt very bad and did not pop. I actually covered my ears because it hurt so much. It still kept hurting after I got off and this afternoon one ear is still hurting a bit.

Abby picked me up. I love this girl so much. We immediately started to catch up with everything. It continued during our ride and as I unpacked. We were waiting for Benji, her husband, to come back from his mom’s. As routine, Abby made me a welcome basket with stuff that I love. She is the hostess with the most-est. Hotel Abby is the best. Then the best part of the night… I met Benjo. I finally met Abby’s 3 month old son. He was so sleepy but he surely cracked a little smile. Benjo is my new best friend.

I have no clue why God picked me, loved me.

I have no clue why God picked me, loved me.

I would not pick me. Ha ha ha, I know for a fact there are those out there that would not pick me either. Some because they have a personal thing against me, others because of a silly idea of what a minister of God is suppose to be and yet some who think that it is suppose to be them and not me.

Please, I am not being conceited

or retarded

let alone self righteous....

I seriously do not know, what exactly God has seen in me. He loves me so and guides my life. He prepares blessings for me that are never ending. I have seen His mighty hand not only protect me, but also remove, and even push away those that only wanted to use me..... or worse.... hurt me.

GOD LOVES ME!

WOW!

Can you believe that?

But I am so undeserving.

And I am still learning.

Each day I am searching for His perfect will in my life.

FUNNY! Perfect will? But why the suffering and the pain and the disappointments. Is that.... PERFECT? Or were you getting my attention GOD? I asked if all these trials I was facing worth it. And You reminded me of Job. I asked you why I needed to wrestle with you in prayer. And you told me to look at Jacob. I asked God why are you leading me to pray so much. And He told me to look at Hannah.

I asked Him why me....

and He told me... just wait and see...

I trusted God and I do see, beginning to see. All I see now is birthed from hope. I have now the evidence of what I could not see.

I have no clue why God picked me, loved me.

(c) Saturday, March 04, 2006