Full circle... full circle, revisited

I was commenting to a friend a few weeks ago that about each decade and/or landmark birthday I become much more reflective on my journey in life. I also contemplate on this road trip when impacting things, awesome or adverse, affect my course. It is a moment where you need to stop and re-read your directions, look at the map again, stop at a gasoline station to for help or reprogram your GPS to reroute the trip. Yes, there are always stops and bumps, twists and turns and bridges to cross.

The "Full circle... full circle" blog was originally written in January of 2005. I reposted it in December of 2008. Here we are right dab smack in the middle of January 2011 and I am found with it again:

Now if you look back and you find yourself in the same place... do something about it. (However, what if you are tired of doing something about it. Why doesn't anyone else do something? I read my friend Debb's blog and read her reflection on Jesus’ anguish at the Garden of Gethsemane. His closest to His heart were not present for Him when He needed them most. He literally had to face death on His own. Job stated that he came to this world with nothing and he will leave this world with nothing. The Lord knows how we feel). No need or time or place to feel sorry for yourself EVER... Look back and (be) able to say "YES! I made it and look how high I have climbed" then great. "Full circle... full circle…”

Funny how life comes to a full circle... how at a point in time you (were) so hurt by the most unexpected... People who called themselves friend do to you horrible and uncompassionate things. (Sometimes not so horrible but questionable. Makes you distrust simple "good" intentions). You think you are never going to heal let alone get up from the beat down they gave you (or secrets they kept). We have to be honest. There are moments that hurt so bad that you really think you are never going to (get over it). You feel like that kick in your gut will remain forever. Nevertheless, the saying holds true. Time does heal all wounds. Isn't that amazing?

What if I climbed and tripped and I fall to the valley. What if I became scared and hid in the nook of a cliff? What if I cannot take another step because I have no more strength? What if I do not want to fight the good fight? What if I do not want to run the race?

Would it be so bad to travel half way round the circle? Then that would be a journey lost.

Frosty said, "I CAN SEE, I CAN SEE!!!"

I saw an E-Card back in 2005 and posted it then and again in 2007 on MySpace. It is one of my favorite E-Cards. This was the cutest thing. In the background it had a whimsical Christmas tune. The main character of this animated E-Card was Frosty the Snowman.

With much enthusiasm, he rushed to his stocking to see what Santa left in his stocking. He was immediately disappointed to feel two lumps of coal. And yep! He remarked in a complaining tone, "?!?! Two lumps of coal... TWO LUMPS OF COAL?!?!" Then Frosty got the bright idea to take the two lumps of coal and placed them on his face. He became excited and exclaimed, "I CAN SEE, I CAN SEE!"

Such is life. If you get something in life like lumps of coal in the guise of trials or certain circumstances you did NOT ask for, do what Frosty did in this fictional situation... take those things and use them to SEE what exactly is that GOD wants you to see. You'll be surprised as to the protection, love and blessings you will witness if you only press on beyond the surface and into to the deeper understanding of the events in your life.

Remember not only in Christmas but every moment in your life that, "For God so loved the world that he gave His only Begotten son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have, everlasting life". If that is not the best gift ever, I do not know what is? Jesus gave His life for you! His sole purpose was to leave His throne and be born to then live among us to fulfill His purpose of dying on the cross for us for our salvation. Question arises: Have you given your heart completely to Him? It is literally the only thing Jesus ever wanted for His "Birthday"- your heart.

FT. MYERS VACATION 2010 - AUG 2 to 5

This is my 3rd day posting a blog/note regarding my vacation. So I missed a few days of writing. I have been sleeping a lot, catching up with television. There is nothing good on TV. I did see an old black and what movie called Pinky. It was an interesting 1949 movie about bi-racial issues. It must have been a bit radical for 1949. I made a flan and my friends liked it. We had it with some delicious Spanish coffee. I received a call from my mommy who missed me. I actually enjoyed that. She was feeling a bit under the weather when I left and I felt bad leaving. She called me to tell me she was feeling much better. Do I still want to move down here and live here for the rest of my life? Absolutely! However, it is not part of His plans in my life (yet). Also my nephews and niece are in Jersey.

I spent the early afternoon on the beach. My feet have to touch the beach at least once a year. The water was very nice and warm. It was a perfect beach day; not too hot, not too humid. The sand was barefoot bearable. I had the best scallops and shrimp lunch at the beach. Abby is so awesome to take me where I want to go while I am here. I am really easy to please. A few hours at the beach are always fine with me. I feel refreshed.

We picked up Abby’s son, niece and nephews. We headed back to the house. We got all clean up and ready for dinner. Abby made one of my favorites… white rice with white beans and chuleta (pork chops, yo). I also got to try a brand new salad dressing; a sun dried tomato vinegarate… yummy. I had me two servings of salad.

I feel well rested.

In a little bit we are going to watch Valentine’s Day and we will see how long the night will last. All I know is that I do not want my vacation to end. Doing nothing and being a little lazy for a week or so is very unusual for an extremely busy and on the go person like me but I welcome it!

Close your eyes with me and feel me smile.

FT. MYERS VACATION 2010 - AUG 1

OK so it was Sunday and I did not go to church or have to do any chores what-so-ever so I slept in. Abby and her family went to church. I eventually woke up took a nice long shower and got dolled up for just relaxing and doing nothing. This is my favorite kind of vacation.

Anyway I started my vacation blog yesterday. I just knew if anyone was going to enjoy it as much as I was my friend Deb. She gets my writing. There are others who like it to but they keep comments to themselves. So I had a muffin for breakfast and Abby left me coffee and I caught up with email, fixed my luggage, my room and just got nicely settled in. Finally Abby came back from church. Jona her brother came over with his family as well. It was so nice to finally greet him with a hug. I think I am one of the last people to greet him like that for many years of waiting. It is along story but I am finally glad I am no longer waiting and am part of the list of those who have been able to greet him so. EVENTUALLY we have pizza and wings and bread sticks. Then we all went to see INDISPICABLE ME.

We hit the Ice Cream/Candy Parlor afterward. I had a scoop of butter-pecan with a scoop of pistachio nut. I also bought some penny candy by the pound. But it was not a pound.

It was a cute movie. Then we came back, chilled watching part of I-Robot.

I saw Abby’s mom before and after the movies. I was commenting to Abby that each time I come here if feels like I never left. It feels like I have always been here. She told me that she felt the same way too. I am glad that I have her place to just chill and have alone time.

Abby and I talked until we got sleepy revisiting past conversations and memories. So that was day two, Aug 1 of my Ft. Myers vacation.

FT. MYERS VACATION 2010 - JULY 31

OK so it is August 1 and I am finally in Ft. Myers arriving yesterday. I go every year since I met my friend (little sister born in my heart) Abby, except last year. I went to General Convention in Orlando. There is nothing special here at Ft. Myers except that she is I here and I love Florida. Before talking about some of the things that happened, I want to share my adventurous journey. I was rushing to the airport yesterday. I was on time, so was my sister-in-law Joyce and the nephews. However, I left my cell in my car and dad rode off in it. He had to rush back and give it to me. The boys gave me each something to hold and remember them by during my trip. I need to give it back to them when I come back home. Israel (Bitty) gave me his Pablo from the Back Yardigans toy. Luis (Bubi) gave me his baseball.

We raced to the airport only to find out that my 4pm flight was cancelled to 6pm. All connections were changed as well. Oh well, I have dinner at an airport restaurant. Yeah, 16 bucks for a burger and fries. It was, however, an amazing burger. Like Dora’s backpack would say, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum… delicioso. Do not let anyone in Arizona know I expressed myself in this way. I may get kicked back to my native land, NEW JERSEY.

The 6pm flight was delayed. What a surprise. As I am sitting I make sure I have my driver’s license and boarding pass I realize that it was in row 4. I stared and read the entire ticket and it was row four. It dawned on me that possibly I was bumped up to first class. Last time I was ever in first class was also a last minute bump up. I was a little girl coming back from trip to Puerto Rico with my dad. I felt fancy like a princess back then. I felt like a queen this time around. Every seat had a pillow, blanket and bottle water. The service is like a hotel/restaurant. Now before I continue there are some of you that are thinking, “So what I’ve been in first class before”. Well not me so let me share. Skip to the next paragraph for the rest of the story. They first give you a warm wet towel to wash your hand before eating. NICE! My beverages were in a real glass. I had the choice of a Greek pasta salad or a cob salad wrap. I went for the wrap and that came with a real napkin, fresh fruit salad, a blondie caramel brownie, chips and refills. It was a nice experience.

So we get to Atlanta and I have the nicest woman lead me to my connecting gate. I have a bum knee that sometimes acts up with the arthritis. Some days I am good. It had to hit me at the airport where one walks much to another gate. I got there pain and all. I noticed that in my connecting boarding pass, did not have a seat assigned. I just knew I was not going to be in first class this time. I get to the gate and was assigned the very last seat on the plane, row 38. I was laughing. So it is true, the first shall be last. The only complaint I had was my ears. Not even my tiny bit of arthritis on my knee. My ears always pop at the air pressure during decent. However, in both flights they hurt very bad and did not pop. I actually covered my ears because it hurt so much. It still kept hurting after I got off and this afternoon one ear is still hurting a bit.

Abby picked me up. I love this girl so much. We immediately started to catch up with everything. It continued during our ride and as I unpacked. We were waiting for Benji, her husband, to come back from his mom’s. As routine, Abby made me a welcome basket with stuff that I love. She is the hostess with the most-est. Hotel Abby is the best. Then the best part of the night… I met Benjo. I finally met Abby’s 3 month old son. He was so sleepy but he surely cracked a little smile. Benjo is my new best friend.

I have no clue why God picked me, loved me.

I have no clue why God picked me, loved me.

I would not pick me. Ha ha ha, I know for a fact there are those out there that would not pick me either. Some because they have a personal thing against me, others because of a silly idea of what a minister of God is suppose to be and yet some who think that it is suppose to be them and not me.

Please, I am not being conceited

or retarded

let alone self righteous....

I seriously do not know, what exactly God has seen in me. He loves me so and guides my life. He prepares blessings for me that are never ending. I have seen His mighty hand not only protect me, but also remove, and even push away those that only wanted to use me..... or worse.... hurt me.

GOD LOVES ME!

WOW!

Can you believe that?

But I am so undeserving.

And I am still learning.

Each day I am searching for His perfect will in my life.

FUNNY! Perfect will? But why the suffering and the pain and the disappointments. Is that.... PERFECT? Or were you getting my attention GOD? I asked if all these trials I was facing worth it. And You reminded me of Job. I asked you why I needed to wrestle with you in prayer. And you told me to look at Jacob. I asked God why are you leading me to pray so much. And He told me to look at Hannah.

I asked Him why me....

and He told me... just wait and see...

I trusted God and I do see, beginning to see. All I see now is birthed from hope. I have now the evidence of what I could not see.

I have no clue why God picked me, loved me.

(c) Saturday, March 04, 2006

When I was 18

WHEN I WAS 18

Age is not synonymous to being mature. Just because you are growing older does not guarantee that you are becoming mature. I know this is alarming news to some who reach certain ages in their life. Age is literally a number or stage in life. Even the dictionary backs that up. As a noun it is “the time of life at which some particular qualification, power, or capacity arises or rests (the voting age is 18); one of the stages of life; the length of an existence extending from the beginning to any given time (a boy 10 years of age); lifetime; an advanced stage of life”. There is more to the definition. Just look it up in the dictionary. I recently read a quote I like very much, by Groucho Marx, “Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough”. This is so true.

As a verb age is “to become old, show the effects or the characteristics of increasing age; to acquire a desirable quality (as mellowness or ripeness) by standing undisturbed for some time (letting cheese age)”. Guess what? I found another anonymous quote on age I liked, “Age is of no importance unless you are a cheese”. That one is funny.

Cheese leads me to the wine. Does not wine mature as it ages? I am not an expert so just flow with me in my thought process. If I am older, then I am like fine wine. Right? Let us see. The definition of mature as an adjective states, “having completed natural growth and development, ripe; having undergone maturation; having attained a final or desired state (mature wine). Can this process be ruined? Is it automatic? Under proper conditions, a wine will improve as it ages. This has to be however under the right conditions. Just because it is stashed away to grow old will not make it a good mature, delightful wine. “And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, he pours new wine into new wineskins." -- Mark 2:22 NIV,

So just because one gets older, does not mean one automatically matures. Everyone and everything has its timing and place. Watch out for the clichés! Take your time to smell the roses, the coffee, the smelly socks your brother left in the middle of the living room, a baby’s diaper, a fried egg, clay, markers, crayons, Thanksgiving turkey, chocolate, burned rubber, a new car. Experience life! You need the right conditions and the proper things around you to get to the place you want to be. Or do you think you have, “ta-da”, arrived? What are your conditions? What is surrounding you that may hinder a wonderful maturing process? Are you hindering yourself? Are you going too fast and missing a lot of details and aspects that will make you like that fine wine you think you are now. Do not be a “wanna be”. Do you have clarity? Do you have a robust flavor? A good mature wine has a delightful bouquet, color and even texture. Experts can just swirl the wine around in their wine glass and see how special the wine is, or not. If a storm comes swirling into your life would your “texture” withhold the test?

Landmark birthdays are awesome. I have celebrated every one of them with something memorable. I will turn 40 at the end of this year and could remember as if it was yesterday when I was 18. I actually remember Pre-K. But at 18, I thought I knew everything. I felt no one could tell me anything new or different. I thought ”I am an adult now”. At 18, I proclaimed to know everything. When I turned 21, I realized the silly beliefs I held onto were things that held me back in some areas. I had very harmful habits that blinded me. I realized that I did not know everything but I still knew a whole lot more than my parents did. I went to college.

At 25, I experienced owning my own car and having credit and paying off college loans. I had to pay taxes! I realized that my parents were extremely hard working people that did their best to give me what I needed. Having my own bills and responsibilities demonstrated that to me. Then at 30, I saw much of me in my parents. However, that changed when I turned 35 and realized that it was really much of them in me.

At the end of this year when I will be turning 40, concern is for my parents. I want them to retire happy and comfortable. I do not stop praying and thinking on how I can be a blessing to them just like they have been a blessing to me. When I was 18, I thought my parents would never ever “get it”. I thought they did not have a clue. They could never possibly know all the things I did. Nearing 40 I realize, they cannot know everything I know. They know more! They are geniuses who gave me the best advice, the best they could, their heart and their life just so I could sit back now and enjoy them in my life as wine aficionados appreciate the finest of wines.

When I was 18, I thought I was mature. Close to being 40, I am only half way there.