I am still not perfect. Yet I am most definitely experiencing GRACE.

One of my dear friends texted me one morning, "the true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don’t know what to do".

I have always told my youth in my church and ones that I have worked with that most of the time I am pretty focused under pressure. Note I said most of the time. So don’t be getting your duff in a fluff because I took care of that already; I know that we are not all perfect. I wrote in a different blog, “Wall Flower”. I may post it here too so you can further understand what I mean. Anyway, I'm free stylin’ again. Scrolling through my text messages saw the quote and "pow" inspiration to just write down my thoughts.

So back to the quote. I like it and it is true. Why did I mention my church group? Well a bunch of us were in a car going to the Bronx. I for once was not driving - woo hoo! I drive but I hate driving. Too many people have taken advantage of my kindness, car and driving, Anyway, “Geez, girl stay on the topic”, the quote.

We stopped at Dunkin Donuts first to get coffee. Well the driver did. I stayed in the car with the others. I wanted to put my seat straight up (I had shot-gun) because I hate it when it is leaning a bit back. I can’t tell if I am sitting or lying down and the uncertainty goes against all manners of just relaxing and enjoying the ride. So one of my younger jovenes helped me. It was a big project. I had to open my door, pull here, pull there, adjust and finally the seat was at the perfect angle (or not) that made me feel like we were going for a nice ride. The young person closes the door and an immense pain and rush of blood ran to the tip of my ring and middle finger. I had huge drops of tears rolling down my face as I stated in a slow and extremely articulated voice, "open the door quickly, and open the door now". The kid eventually heard me and as she opened the door she and another person was screaming to the top of their lungs as if their fingers were being crushed. The 4th person almost passed out. After the scare, the wiping of my tears and the driver returning, all was quite.

All of a sudden the person who screamed the loudest stated, "Letty I saw in your face that you were in extreme pain but you stayed calm and did not yell". I started to laugh. The kid who crushed my fingers kept saying, "I am so sorry, I am so sorry". The other person who almost passed out stated, "WOW, talk about calm in the midst of trial". Again I was cracking up. I told them I was in a lot of pain and that I all I wanted was my fingers to be free. Determination was my ammunition. That my message would get across was life or death. Talk about grace under pressure. If anyone has ever had their hand slammed with a car door, you surely understand that pressure -- literally.

Side note: my nails did not turn black and despite the slight tenderness in the fingers, I am fine and my nails look cute.

This reminded me of when my dad had a stroke while we were on vacation a few years back. I saw my dad sick and just said to him in a calm analytical voice, “Papi, I think you are having a stroke". But he could not talk and right before my eyes his mouth twisted down to the side and his arm got stiff. Then off course you know the running to the hospital and finding one near a beach resort is not that easy. When I got there I went straight to the window just to be pulled by a loud Jamaican lady cursing up a storm claiming that I cut her in “de line”. I let her scream as the in-take clerk observed. She was ranting and raving on how she had an emergency and that she was there first and I waited until she was done. When she was done I asked the clerk if I could speak and she nodded. I said in the most (again) articulate and slow speech, "My dad is in the middle of a stroke". I saw that clerk fly out of her chair and immediately place my dad on a stretcher as he was rolled into the emergency care area. I am glad I was there for my father.

Lesson: you get more flies with honey than with vinegar. A stroke is of the utmost importance, so you need to get that message across loud and clear.

I had my character attacked at different stages of my life. I think we all go through that. However, there was one time in my life that it was attacked so unjustly and so cruel. It was like a blow you never saw coming and it knocked the wind out of you. This punch was so hard that I lost ALL trust in fellow man. Assumptions and lies and rumors and such things definitely fade away when they are so stretched from reality. The other day I found this quote. Note sure who said it but here it goes, “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are”.

When the smoke clears you can see everything. After a storm hits you see the debris on the beach. Though there is no more smoke and the garbage is cleaned up, you still feel a sense of need to yell at the top of your lungs, "I told you so! I told you so". But deep in your heart you feel the tug of God telling you "be still and know that I am". But you want to say something. You do not want to seem like a punk. The Holy Spirit brings to remembrance the biblical concepts and truth that He fights all of our battles and that He is like a mighty giant beside us fight along our side in each battle. You remember that the scripture states that He pulls you out of the miry clay (rumors), out of the deep pit (lies) and cleans you up and places you upon the rock (JESUS). God is the one who places a new song in our mouth and through that testimony, not your words or defense or debate or explanation or reasoning, but the testimony that God makes you experience, will be seen by many and lead them to come and truly know God and fear Him.

I sincerely did not know what to do in each case. I never had my fingers slammed. I never have seen a person go through a stroke. I never saw that storm come - it just hit. Yet, with God’s help I was able to behave in a manner that led me to figure out what to do (and what NOT to do).

I am still not perfect. Yet I am most definitely experiencing GRACE.